A Tom Hanks Fan

A page from inside my secret diary.

“Today is INTERNATIONAL TOM HANKS DAY!” And guess what I’m doing: I’m going to Starbucks for celebrating the day by myself!

I wish the weather could be cold like yesterday,so the day would be perfect. There is  a huge sun in the sky and I don’t like the sun much.I don’t know why. Uhm… Anyway.

I’m drinking hot chocolate and eating puff with cheese and tomato.Nobody can be happier than me right now. I feel tranquil and nobody can make me sad. Because today is MY day. I’ve waited for this day for a year! I feel amazing… Nobody knows but I’m here to celebrate Tom Hanks Day! Isn’t it unbelivable?

One of my American friends said that “I bet there is some way you can meet him…”

I believe him. I want to believe him.”

I celebrated Tom Hanks Day during two day! I ate ice cream and waffle a lot, got a tattoo which says “Live. Laugh. Love.” That was a good experiment. 

Happy Tom Hanks Day.. I love you and always will.

Two weeks ago,one of my close friends said to me “I know he will know about the love you feel for him,love can’t be hide.”

Her words touched my heart. I’ve mentioned about you before and she always supports me. Sometimes I feel lucky just because of her.

And now; I feel more courageous. I know I’m stronger.

As you said in Forrest Gump, “I don’t know if we each have a destiny, or if we’re all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze. But I think maybe it’s both”

I believe that you are in my destiny. Maybe someday,somewhere,any time I can meet you. Maybe God let me see you. I don’t want to die without seeing you. That’s all.

Today I was with my mom again. We shuttled between Burger King and McDonald’s.She is really funny.. I’ve realized that I missed her so much.. 3 months,Tom. I haven’t seen her for 3 months. And there’s a great thing about her: She doesn’t want to talk about old times and problems.. She just wants to have fun with me! We have to solve our problems but maybe that’s better… 

Mom said that “I’m anxious about your future. I want to give you much more money,this is my duty. You will get married in 10 years..” and I replied “Mom,I’m 18 years-old. You and dad don’t have to give me money,I can earn,I’m not a child anymore. I’ll start to work after a few months.I live at this moment,this is my moment. And only that’s important for me. Life is so much more beautiful when you live without anxieties. I don’t want to be anxious about my future.”

I guess Ricky Martin’s book “Me” affected me. 

And I think I’m right.

I’m already sorry for the swearing but… 

You are fucking perfect to me.

I love your natural gray hair.

I love your under-eye bags.

I love your age spots.

I love your belly,your weight,your gestures.

You don’t have to dye your hair,they’re sooooo cool. Believe me! Remember,I’m 18 years old and I know what beautiful is :) 

You don’t have to hide your age spots with foundation. I hate when you are NOT natural. Because I love you just the way you are.

I have a hangover today. Now it’s almost 05.00 a.m here and I have school after 3 hours. Guess what I’m doing? I’m watching The Academy Awards. I’ve waited till I saw you.. Just 1 hour ago. I cried. I cried a lot. Oh.. In fact I don’t know why I’m writing this.

You are adorable,spectecular. You’re the one. 

Someone wrote that “When Tom Hanks speaks; the wold goes silent and an angel gets its wings.” How true it is. I love it.

I love poeple who have big dreams and goals…Because I see myself when I look at them. A few days ago,one of my close friends said that ” I wanna be an actress,go to Hollywood and introduce you with Tom Hanks.” Maybe it will never happen but she trusts herself and this is… This is spectacular! You don’t understand me,because you’re always in Los Angeles and Hollywood wasn’t so hard for you.

I’d LOVE to be a directioner. I think this is all I want…Being the director one of your movies would be the best thing ever! Think about it,just one minute. We’ve filmed a great movie,we have 7 nominations for Academy Awards. And we are at Kodak Theatre now. You’re winning your 3th Oscar Award.. And we are winning 5 awards! (Winning all awards would be illegical.) Ohhh maaann.. This is all I dream everyday when I wake up and everynight when I close my eyes.. 

This may sound like childish but I’m just talking honestly. Believe me or not but I work so hard. Maybe I won’t be director but one day… I will meet you. I do believe it more than anything.

I have a big dream. I have power for making it true. I’m brave. Well, are you brave to take a step to me? Naaahh.. I don’t think so…

Today there was my parent’s divorce court.. But my mom had to go to hospital,so.. They couldn’t divorce.I hate this feeling. I can’t get rid of this situation. I want to finish but it’s been lying over for 5 months! Oh God.. That sucks.

I used to think that “My parents are happy,they don’t argue at all.” when I was a child. Then I started to say “I wish they would divorce!” Life changes fastly,sometimes I can’t believe.I’m like “What the fuck!?!?!?!” This is hard.Yeah,this is really hard.

It’s hard to start to meet with my mom after 3 months. Unfortunately,forgetting everything is impossible… And forgiving someone is too hard.. But I think it is just for God. I mean.. We’re just a person,that’s all.I’m not egoist,I don’t care about myself.That’s why,sometimes forgetting and forgiving are easier for me.

People can make some mistakes,this is one of the most normal things in life.I understand,I really understand.But they have to realize what they did,how much they hurt us,how many times they broke our hearts..If they realize exactly,they can make this easier than it is.

I have some difficulties about forgiving my mom.. 

Life is not hard.We make it harder by ourselves. Isn’t it,Tom?

I must be crazy,I’m talking to you!?

I hate introducing myself. In fact I hate talking about myself. And it’s gonna be hard.

Okay.Calm down girl.Sometimes I feel like talking to you.Like right now!

Okay.Here we gooo!

My real name is Elif Şentunalı but I have too many friends in worldwide and that’s why I call myself as “Elly Hanks”. I’m 18 years old,I’ll be 19 on July 19th. After ten days from yours! Anyway.. 

I’m just a girl who loves you.Love is not easy..I hope you understand me. You’re married for 23 years and I think you really know what I mean. Even Forrest Gump knows.. “I’m not a smart man but I know what love is.”

People say to me “You’re obssessed by Tom Hanks.” and everytime I ignore them. Obsession? Is it what I feel? Is it simple like that? NO! I don’t think so. I believe myself,I believe my own love. That’s why, I can say everywhere that “I LOVE TOM HANKS.” 

I’ve sent 6 letters to you. And guess what happened? NO RESPONSE. 

I’ve written a song for you. And guess what happened? You haven’t see it yet. Your children Chester and Elizabeth blocked me because I sent the link of the song them.

You’ve came to Turkey on September 2,2011 and I was working and saving money just for meeting with you. And guess what happened? We learned that my mom had cancer,leukemia. And then everything stopped. It felt like time just stopped. I was depressed during a month. I deleted your photos, I never looked at internet news..I never logged in Twitter or Facebook during that shit month! I was dreaming this for months.. I was like “New day.. And closer to the day that I’ll meet Tom Hanks.” And then BOOM! All I dreamed was collapsed.

In that damned month September, my parents seperated. My mom was sick and she’s gone. I hated her for my childhood. I was so angry but there was nothing than I can do. These were the worst months of my life. And these are about to finish.. Finally I made up with my mom. But I’m still angry her. Anyway.. 

When I argued with someone, I was watching your movies and relaxing.. That’s why I love you so much. You were my hero -and still you are.

Sorry about my English.. I work on it so hard just because of you. Yeah it’s still shit but you understand me,I hope. 

Shortly, this is the way I love you. These are the causes that I have to love you.Hopefully I’ve been waiting for your any response. Whenever and whatever. All I want from you is just a little sign. 

Sincerely,

One of the your biggest lovers,Elly.